丈夫出轨时女人最常犯的三大错误

Mistake #1 -- The Investigation

错误1——追查到底

When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact finding mission.Spying, calling around, interrigating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious:the relationship is seriously broken.

当女人怀疑自己男人出轨时，常犯的第一个错误就是开始调查真相。跟踪、到处打电话求证，调查自己的伴侣，女人会把自己的经历投注在这些毫无意义的追捕活动中，为的只是证明一个早就很明显的现实：你俩的关系已经破碎不堪了。

You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.

你不需要什么证据证明你的男人有外遇才能确定你俩之间出了问题。他是否有真的有外遇抑或者这只是你的多心并不重要，重要的是你已经注意到某些事情改变了。像疯了一样想要抓住他出轨的证据并不能让你心平气和。这只会让你彻底变成一个疯女人。

Mistake #2 -- Blaming the Other Woman

错误2——怪罪第三者

Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you, who promised to to be true to you, and then cheated on you. Even more importantly, if it wasn't her it would be someone else.

的确，她就是偷了别人的男人的坏女人，但这并不是重点。她不是那个对你作下承诺的人，不是那个保证开诚布公转头又有了外遇的人。更重要的是，即便不是这个女人也会有别的女人。

People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.

人们出轨的原因是他们想出轨。男人出轨并不是因为他只是不小心被另一个女人的邪恶魅力迷了心窍。也不是因为她能给他一些你无法满足的东西。也不是她比你更好。想出轨的人终究会出轨。他们不需要什么诱惑就能自己出轨。

Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogomy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.

别把怒气发在另一个女人身上。这就模糊了焦点。重点是那个跟你在一起的伴侣打破了永无二心的承诺。即便不是她，他也能找到别的女人。即使她主动退出了，世界上还有成千上万的女人是可以成为他出轨的对象的。

Mistake #3 -- Changing to Keep Him

错误三——为留住他而改变

First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat... and cheat... and cheat.

首先如果你的男人出轨了，你根本就不该还跟他在一起。出轨这件事是会上瘾的，不管他怎么保证，也不论你为留住他的注意而做了多少改变，他都会再犯。如果他出轨了，就是你离开的时候了。会出轨的人总会一而再再而三地出轨。

Second, you didn't drive him to cheat . If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.

其次，你不是他出轨的原因。要是你的男人出轨了，这不能说明你的价值。只能说明他无法负荷长期关系带来的种种责任。是他没有成熟的成年人的应对技巧。这是他的问题，不是你的。

Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.

因为你不是他出轨的原因，所以你也没什么办法阻止他。你不可能通过改变自己来迫使一个出轨者变成坚贞不二的人。别再对自己说要是我再瘦点、漂亮点、在床上积极点或者更有趣点，他就会对你衷心了。要是你的男人出轨了，他根本就不在乎你，无论你是什么样的。

原文链接：shine